i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
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I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
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you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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