Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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