It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
