i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
