real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
