Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize