He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
