just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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