today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
