What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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