After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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