in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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