wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
