**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
