It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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