ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
