Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
