there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
