Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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