I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
