My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize