Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
