well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
