Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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