The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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