Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize