five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This show inspires me to have sex in space
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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