Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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