heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
