that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
