I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
