He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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