I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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