Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
NoShamevember. You game?
You can't just leave with hair like that
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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