I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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