I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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