my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
