I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
