he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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