dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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