And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
