Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
