My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Panties = found
Randomize
