Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
