a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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