i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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