Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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