I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
