And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
