I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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