you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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