am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
