I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
