I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
