how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
