You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
