Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
