He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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