this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
