I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
