What a fucking waste of an outfit
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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