At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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