I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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