i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
