Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
