Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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