I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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