You can't special order awesome
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
