he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
