Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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