tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I smell like Dick and happiness
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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