Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
